Redbridge hockey tournament

The London Royals Hockey Club is the UK’s first open and largest LGBTQ+ Hockey Club

Redbridge hockey tournament

“No humans were harmed in the making of these memories” – but it was very close and there was profuse moob/boob sweat and sun cream running into every eyeball. 
None of us remembers the delightful morning at Fairlop (1st June) much because our hangovers required tending like needy divas looking for a drag race to own. We needed to; Stop… Think… (you know how it goes) – ‘Air Afrikaans’.
Two matches into Redbridge hockey tournament and we were struggling to find our feet – but no one vomited on the pitch. I don’t know how! Hard work by the whole team was rewarded only with punishing attack after attack from opposition teams. 
Working hard, Meryl bazookered a pass across the pitch at Maya. The force travelled so well from ball to person that she flew backwards a good few feet although with the elegance and grace of a falling piano. I must thank her for this, though, as I was able to share the award of Dick of the Day. ‘It’s nice to share!’ Thanks Maya. 
Plan ‘B’ was hatched. Have lunch, – get the Starbucks in (frapaslaplapacinos) and take a well-earned rest with two paracetamol and a s***-tonne of water for good measure … for the hangover. Unfortunately, the nearest Starbucks was ‘north of the wall’ encased by a ring of traffic. This led to a delayed return – so kindly our opposition covered us, while we were left calling ‘bring back our girls.’!
The heat of the midday sun was glorious, and Nash made a strong defensive barrier with Hornsby and Peter Smeed a ‘tour de force’ protecting our goal. Meryl guided the ball up the side-lines consistently well with debut sweep tackle finding its mark. Phillip Pestel was instrumental in making sure the ball left defence and had success up the lines to Maya while causing chaos to the oppositions structure with Cleo bringing an assured touch of class centrally and forward – when she could sub in. 
Then something Earth shaking happened. Like a clash from ‘Godzilla’. Fergus working to snatch a loose ball, collided at full momentum with opposition, which resulted in double knockout. I thank the team for the immediate team support which was… immediate and strong. Followed by the Dick of the Day award for failing to look convincing when falling flat out. Although afterwards it was commented that at the time others were thinking ‘Stay down and don’t get up!’. The match quickly ended leaving us winning 2-1.
We progressed well through the competition and secured a semi-final thanks to some lovely connective work through midfield made possible by Chantelle/Kat and Lou with great goals being the reward. Some of which required laser accuracy and deftness equivalent to threading the proverbial needle.
The semi-final was one of our better games. Meryl was working the line with style like a streetwalker free from the shackles of her tyrant pimp and although the opposition won from a flick, we lost to the final winners of our group.
Special thanks are needed to Meryl for Captaining us and Peter Smeed as Goalkeeper as well as everyone who umpired throughout the tournament.
I leave you with this…. No penalty cards were given. Friendships were strengthened. And awkward suntan lines were acquired. Truly it did feel we had ticked the main objectives of being in Essex (which I’m told by Nash is soon to become a borough of London!). Thank you’s (to use the essex plural) all for a great day! — with James HornsbyPeter Smeed and Cleo ‘Boom’ Lyn.

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